Four's a festivity. Five's a FAMILY.

Two years ago, I came to Assumption – Iloilo as a freshman. I came with a promise that I would never ever let myself get carried away with appearances and pretenses. I came with a promise that I would never get myself so attached with people because I have learned from an experience that with attachment and emotions, comes a terrible price to pay.

But who knew I’d end up turning my back at that promise?

In that year, I met four amazing people with equally amazing personalities who taught me that sometimes it’s okay to get attached and pay the price that comes with it as long as you have the right kind of people to back you up.

Oh, I can still remember my very first day and the following months that followed as if it only happened yesterday.

First day of school was all right. I woke up early that day after having a fitful sleep. It had always been like that for me. Ha ha. You’d think I’d be familiar with it now, what with all the schools I’ve gone to. But, ironically, no, I wasn’t. I still had butterflies in my stomach with the typical first-days-in-a-new-school questions: What if they find me weird? What if they won’t like me? What if I spend the next following years as the class’s recluse? My mind was like a freakin’ tennis court of negativity. As I sat at the back of the St. Anne’s Hall, I had my hands clasping each other in a death grip, watching everyone mingle with everyone, exchange gossip with everyone and speak to each other with an openness and carefreeness I envied. Those were the two things I longed to share with someone I was sure who wouldn’t betray me and the two things I was afraid of, at the same time.

I have learned that feeling too much could be one’s worst enemy. I have learned it at a young age when I should have been enjoying the recklessness and joy childhood brought to a person. But, no, I spent ― no, wasted that age protecting my friends who turned out to be not what they seemed to be, fighting battles I knew I couldn’t win, and sleepless nights filled with nightmares and problematic thoughts. The best and worst part was that I found out that my best friends who I treated and considered as my own blood sisters, who I lied for, and who I honestly loved, turned out to be back-stabbing, lying pigs who actually didn’t give a damn about what would happen to me. They weren’t there when I needed them the most. They weren’t there to offer me their shoulders when I needed them. They weren’t there. They simply weren’t there. In the end, my emotions were the one who kept me up at night, crying myself to sleep. My mind was filled with ifs and what ifs. If I only looked beneath the surface… If only I were smarter enough to read the signals… If only I didn’t allow myself to be… If only I didn’t meet them… If, if, if, if! They were all ifs! But there was nothing I could say that could change what had already happened. So, I turned the other cheek, vowed to myself that I would never get myself so emotionally attached to someone other than my family, and decided to move on with my life.

Then, I met these people. These beautiful people who showed me true friendship and sisterhood. These wonderful people who brought back the old me, the one who was carefree and always happy, always looking forward to every challenge. Once again, the world appealed to me. I went to school with a smile and went home with a smile. Smiling was natural when I was with them. I didn’t have to pretend that I was happy. I really was. Because of them.

But our friendship wasn’t perfect.

We were in our second year in high school when our amity was tested. Several times, in fact. And the last misunderstanding was the one that caused us one of our own to take a different path. We tried to ignore the feelings and the longings that coursed through our blood. We tried to dislodge the small voice that spoke in the back of our head, telling us that we weren’t fine, that we missed her. For months, we went on our own, just us four. Yet we watched her ― even if we denied that fact ― missing her every single second that passed. But we couldn’t deny the fact that she looked happy, she was happy. And, somehow, we finally got ourselves to accept the reality that we had really lost her. It saddened us, yes. I could see it in my friends’ (the ones who were left, of course) eyes. But similar to my case, I knew we had to move on.

Our time together, the four of us, was fun. After we got over the initial reaction of losing one of our own, we spent more time getting to know each other and ourselves. We realized that there were things we still didn’t know about each other. But what we didn’t realize was we were growing into mature people inside, also. We laughed. We smiled. We had fun. And we also learned how to forgive.

Enter junior year. Still the same people, still the same personalities, still with the same group. This year, we were, as I would say, divided equally. Two of us were in one section while the other two was in another section. What was ironic was that those other two were classmates with our old friend. Maybe that was what triggered the memories of our time together as a group. I don’t know but a week after the first day of school, I was startled by a text saying that we were going to be complete again. But those simple words made my heart beat rapidly as if I were being chased by a devil. I felt like I took a high dosage of Ecstasy pills. I was so happy that I could laugh and cry at the same time.

I didn’t realize how much I wanted her back till that time. I think we, four, didn’t realize how badly we wanted her back until that moment when we received that message. It felt right again. We welcomed her back with open arms and affection.

We picked up where we left off and now, here we are: happy, content, and most importantly, together. We might have changed physically but the friendship, the camaraderie, and the love are still there, present in the air, clinging to us like magnets.

As I think about it now, I’ve also changed as a person. Long gone was the girl who feared intense emotional attachment to another person. Long gone was the girl who was afraid of facing the world. Today, I’m a young lady who welcomes all challenges in life, whose doors are open to people in need of a shoulder. I’m no longer afraid of facing the world because I know, deep in my heart, that there are four wonderful people out there who are willing to face them with me. Moreover, I’m no longer jealous of those who turn to their friends with such openness and familiarity I longed for because I found something much more powerful in my new found friends.

To my best friends, sisters, and confidants ― Treshia Marie P. Flores, Chessa Alvia P. Memoracion, Roissy Vanessa H. Recto, and Anna Monica P. Uygongco ― I owe you everything: my sanity, my happiness, my good humor ( ha ha ha), and my life. I love you, guys. :)