I Never Should Have

I never should have gone into that book store at the first place.

I never should have peeked through the shelves.

I never should have fixed my eyes on you the moment you walked in.

I never should have sat on that table by the corner.

I never should have looked up when I heard your cough.

I never should have gaped at you as if I were a retarded person.

I never should have stuttered an okay when you asked if you can sit with me.

I never should have stared at you behind my lashes.

I never should have blushed so obviously when you caught me gawking.

I never should have answered when you asked my name.

I never should have asked for your name in return.

I never should have engaged in conversation with you.

I never should have hung on to your every word.

I never should have given you my cel number when you asked for it.

I never should have smiled at you when I left.

I never should have let myself be affected so deeply by your smile.

I never should have stayed awake that night, thinking about you.

I never should have grinned like mad when you texted me.

I never should have said yes when you asked me out.

I never should have rushed to the mall to desperately buy a new dress.

I never should have stayed in my bedroom, getting ready, for three hours.

I never should have checked the clock every half an hour.

I never should have run to the front door every time I heard a car.

I never should have smiled so adoringly up at you when you finally arrived.

I never should have let you hold my hand while we walked around the darkened park.

I never should have allowed myself to be further charmed by your allure.

I never should have let you kiss me at my doorstep.

I never should have jumped for joy that night.

I never should have dreamed of you that night.

I never should have squealed with delight when you asked me out again. And again. And again.
I never should have fallen in love with you after the fourth date.

I never should have filled my Trig notebook with doodles of your name and mine.

I never should have made my whole world revolve around you.

I never should have said “I love you” that one morning.

I never should have felt hurt when you shrugged indifferently.

I never should have believed my friends when they said you were seeing someone else.

I never should have followed you that afternoon after school.

I never should have watched you embrace that girl and kiss her on the lips just the way you kissed me awhile ago.

I never should have gotten out from my hiding place and ran to you.

I never should have jerked the girl off of you and shouted at the top of my voice.

I never should have ranted on and on about fidelity.

I never should have slapped you when you said I had no right to shout at you and tell you what to do.

I never should have said I had the right because I’m your girlfriend.

I never should have felt it like a blow when you said I wasn’t your girlfriend and I was just some hump and dump you found convenient of having around.

I never should have slapped you hard again.

I never should have cried myself to sleep the following nights.

I never should have locked myself in my room for the next few days that followed.

I never should have starved myself.

I never should have shed my tears for such a lowly and despicable person.

I never should have allowed myself to be blinded by your looks and your pretenses.

I never should have acted like a lovestruck teenager who had seen the sun for the first time her entire life.

I never should have been an idiot.

But most of all, I never should have believed you were mine.