A Stranger Who Looked Exactly Like Me

I just recently discovered how drastic the changes that occurred in my life. Looking back at how things were before is like listening to a broken record. It starts as something nice and pleasant to listen to but as it reaches its climax, it begins to buzz and make irritating sounds. As it ends, the music which began as something beautiful and epic, comes to a chilling pause, like the notes and melody aren't in accord with one another.

Well, that's how I feel about the change in me.

I've always been the type of person who embraced all alterations and challenges in life. I've always been warm to problems evading the peace and harmony I enjoy. These are because I've always been ready with solutions and answers. People used to approach me for advice. Now, it seems like the world took a huge turn and I ended up being the one desperately asking people to help me with my problems.

I've also been the kind of person who knew how to deal with stress. I've always been calm and logical when it comes to decision-making. I've always considered the pros and cons before making a choice, whether or not it's for a big cause or a small one. Now, I easily get impatient and frustrated with things. I tend to lose my temper often. Whenever I'm dealing with stress for these past weeks, I've dealt with it through eating excessively (and risk getting fat) and a whole lot more. It's embarassing. I know, right?

Many of my friends, even those who are not really that close with me, have observed these changes. They all asked me the same question, "Ano natabo simo, Sam?" And I gave them the same answer. "Ambot."

I, myself, don't even know the real reason behind this massive change in my physicality, mentality and personality. I've asked myself a dozen questions every single day with regards to what transpired in my life recently. Still, I get no answer.

Firguratively, I've been afraid to face myself in the mirror and see how I've changed. But it was inevitable. One morning, after I've showered, I looked at myself in the mirror and just looked.

At first glance, I told myself I didn't change that much. Well, aside from the glaring fact that I've gained weight and turned dark in skin color. :| Physically, that is. But when I looked closer, past the physical appearance, I saw it. I saw what other people saw which made them ask me that question.

It was my eyes. They no longer had the same glow in them. They no longer looked... alive. When I tried to smile, I had to curb the urge to puke.

I was no longer me.

It was a different Sam.

It was a stranger.

A stranger who looked exactly like me.